life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
