you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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