There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
