That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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