had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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