Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
