my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
