I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
