So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize