it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
