Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
