he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
