OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The adults are the big ones right?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
