I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's Friday. Sex?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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