Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
