Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
