What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
