when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
