Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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