Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
