U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
