Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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