he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
