I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
