life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
