Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
