just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
