Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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