I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
