I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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