i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
