I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize