You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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