if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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