and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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