He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
