Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
