she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
