Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
