White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
