thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
