I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
