The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
