i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
