Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
