I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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