I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
