Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
