Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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