I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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