Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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