I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
