If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
