in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize
