I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
