She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
