I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
4 words: hood of his car
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
