Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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