So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im holly from the hills drunk
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize