i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
