Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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