Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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