Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
