$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
