my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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