i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
