dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
