she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ladies don't puke and tell
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
