oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
